Everything That Distresses You: Overcoming Victim Mentality

This is Part 4 of a series of posts called, “Everything That Distresses You.” 

This series will be especially helpful for helping you to actually enjoy, and deal creatively with, the challenges that being around family can bring mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The 4 main issues causing needless distress are:

  • Confusion about Desire vs. Attachment
  •  Limited Self-Concepts
  • Unrecognized Nature of Fear-based Thinking
  • Confusion about Cause and Effect, or Victim Thinking

Here we will look at

#4) Overcoming Victim Mentality, or . . . Confusion about Cause and Effect.

Every time we make a move, we are motivated by a desire, resolution, intention, or inspiration (let’s call these ‘beginnings’). Every beginning gives rise to a goal, the fulfillment of the desire or inspiration, and so on.

Often wonderful beginnings do not end at the wonderful goal. I am sure you have heard the saying, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” I’m sure you have also heard the New Age aphorism, “You always make the best choice.” Or the age-old saying, “Everyone just wants to be happy.”

Have you ever wondered, “If I want to be happy and I am always making my best choice, and if I have a good intention, how can things turn out so badly?”

The answer is likely to be that you didn’t accurately understand how the laws of cause and effect were operating in that situation. The Law of Cause and Effect is operating in an all pervasive, unimpeded, and unrelenting way. It is totally reliable and impartial. If you act in accord with it, results are guaranteed!

When we make our very first move to act on our “beginning” we are making a statement of trust in the law of cause and effect and an affirmation that we understand how to apply it to get the outcome we want.

But we often forget or don’t realize that any action we take represents this kind of statement and affirmation.

When we don’t appreciate that we subconsciously trust and recognize the law of cause and effect, we forget to pay attention to this law, action by action. This is important because, action by action, the Law of Cause and Effect (or LCE) gives us feedback about the action(s) we have taken — feedback that lets us know of any course corrections we need to make and also provides additional knowledge about the nature of the project in general.

When we forget that we must attend to this constant, impartial feedback from the LCE, we get into big trouble. If we don’t pay attention to the actual LCE, we will end up inventing our fantasy of what we want the LCE to be.

Living by our fantasy LCE produces these delusions:

  1. I’m a victim of circumstance
  2. The universe is against me
  3. This shouldn’t be happening to me or
  4. “Why me?!
  5. It’s hopeless; there is no way out
  6. I am unworthy to have any good come into my life
  7. Nothing ever works out
  8. It’s not my fault, or . . .  It’s your fault

I could go on. Simply put, when we forget that the LCE is impersonal, impartial, reliable, and all pervasive, we delude ourselves thinking the LCE is personal, unreliable, and “patchy” in its application.

This enables us to indulge in victim mentality, believing that complaining will somehow produce a good outcome. Or that our actions determine the worth of our being.

Overcoming Victim Mentality

If however, you appreciate the true nature of the Law of Cause and Effect, you always make an effort to engage with life moment by moment in a positive constructive way with and inner sense of self-encouragement, self-love, and patience.

You don’t do this to be a good boy or good girl. You do it because you know that the LCE is reliable and that ‘like comes from like’. If you want good in your life, constantly plant seeds of good – mentally, emotionally and physically.

If life brings you something you don’t like, you don’t complain (you may feel sad, which is very different). You meet it with interest (to learn more about LCE), with enthusiasm (because you know your worthiness is not at stake), and with patience (because you are clear that fear, masquerading as impatience, is never your friend).

You see that absurdity of acting in a negative way if something negative show up – adding a negative response just plants seeds for more negativity to bear fruit!

When you understand these insights about LCE, whatever comes, you smile at it. Not because you are faking that you like it, but because whatever comes reminds you of your own inner value and resourcefulness, and that the real LCE is on your side.

Results are guaranteed! Develop the habit of planting positive seeds – mentally, emotionally, and physically, even in the face of negative circumstances (the result of prior negative actions ––no blame, just the action of the LCE) and positive results must come to you.

Good luck!

You can also check out the other posts in this series, “Everything That Distresses  You”: Part 1Part 2, and Part 3.