When a reporter asked HH the Dalai Lama how he was able to stay so cheerful and free of resentment towards the Chinese, who stole his homeland and killed thousands of his people, His Holiness said, “They have taken everything from us, should I let them take my mind as well?”

Having worked with clients and students for many years, I’ve noticed that we are often extremely skilled at deluding and torturing ourselves. How do we do it? We speak using virtuous-sounding euphemisms for what are actually harsh and fear-inducing judgments. In my opinion, that is the case with the phrase ‘high expectations.’

Someone asked me, “How can I have a healthy relationship if I had no good role models?” The first thing to do is to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself.

When someone says “self esteem” –– and this goes for “confidence” too, because people often talk about these things as if they’re things, as if they’re substances –– I point out that there’s no such thing as “self esteem.” It’s not a thing you’ve acquired. It’s just a label for an activity we’re doing.