Someone asked me, “How can I have a healthy relationship if I had no good role models?” The first thing to do is to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself.

Not long ago someone was asking me about my work, and I mentioned my book, Finding True Magic. The subtitle is a long one (Transpersonal Hypnosis & Hypnotherapy/NLP) so I didn’t mention it.

What would it look like to give love without expecting anything in return? Isn’t that only for saints, or monks . . . or worse, won’t it mean submitting and becoming a doormat? Not at all. Giving unconditional love arises from a sense of your own unconditional OK-ness. It may be necessary to do some work to reacquaint yourself with your basic goodness, of course. But once you have reconnected with your self-worth, you’re able to be generous with your partner and with yourself.

I want to share some additional perspectives about my previous blog, “What DO Thoughts Think About?” “Thoughts think about other thoughts” is a subtle topic; it’s importance can easily be missed, and working with it can seem boring and pointless in the beginning.

You can learn to enjoy yourself pursuing relationships if you know the secrets of successful dating — and if you practice them. Beyond making sure you offer a common-sense, clean physical presentation (you should know that most people like this), the essential secret is to be yourself.

If you want to make yourself miserable, here’s the quickest way to do it: get worried about what other people think of you. Just by turning our attention outside, we can begin to imagine that others are judging us harshly.