Many of us have internalized messages of "failure" that we unwittingly repeat to ourselves. It is as though we have been conned. We've fallen for the idea that love is to be earned. We believe that we will only be loved if we do things "right" –– if we "succeed." Jack Elias explains how this happens, how we can turn it around and receive the loving encouragement we need.
Getting stuck in anxious energy and busyness, but getting nowhere. Does this sound familiar? I call it "running in place," and it's a sure sign that I’ve stopped giving myself love and compassion. When you notice yourself doing this, don’t think, “I have to stop this.” Instead, think, “Oh! I'm running-in-place! I must be denying myself love and compassion.” Then if you like, you can put your hand to your heart as you do in the Hands Over Heart Technique I mentioned in this earlier post. . . .
A big part of the transformational process is challenging negative self talk (mean and nasty internal dialogue). Again and again we need to look at, see, and then cut through the roots and causes of self hatred.
It takes a lot of energy and attention to drive yourself crazy. If you redirect that energy away from "feeling helpless" and bring it into alignment with your desire to benefit, you may come up with some creative solutions. I'll explain.
If we feel upset when things go wrong or something unpleasant and unexpected happens, we’re not exactly unique in this world. But if we develop the habit of holding on to these upset feelings, we may resort to drinking too much, using drugs, or overeating (using food like a drug) in a futile effort to try and feel better.
Having worked with clients and students for many years, I’ve noticed that we are often extremely skilled at deluding and torturing ourselves. How do we do it? We speak using virtuous-sounding euphemisms for what are actually harsh and fear-inducing judgments. In my opinion, that is the case with the phrase ‘high expectations.’
This question lies at the heart of the common malady of our times: disillusionment. So many of us struggle with the sense that life is a chore, that life will never “get better.”
Many people procrastinate (and paralyze) themselves when they have to make an important decision or organize a project. They think, “I’m terrible at this! I can’t seem to decide what to do, or when to do it.”
Do you ever worry, “What if I don’t succeed?” Jack Elias explains how we confuse success and self worth, and offers 5 Ways to help you invite success into your life.
You can practice these 5 simple, yet powerfully healing actions that can dissolve your blind spot (the sense of unworthiness). In this way, you can develop the habit of being your own best friend.