When my stepson was a young boy just learning to read, he was riding in the car with his mom one day. As they passed a big box toy store, he jumped up in his seat and read out loud the words of the store’s big bright banner: “The new Lion King toys are here!”
We all encounter suffering in relationships. Why? Because we make a few fundamental errors. Once we correct these errors in our thinking, and begin to act accordingly, we can save ourselves quite a lot of needless suffering.
Does the idea of a “joyful relationship” sound far-fetched? Everyone wants happy and healthy connections! So why is it such a challenge to maintain happiness and harmony in our relationships?
This holiday season and New Year will be remembered, along with all of 2020, as the most traumatic and tragic time in the history of our country.
When a reporter asked HH the Dalai Lama how he was able to stay so cheerful and free of resentment towards the Chinese, who stole his homeland and killed thousands of his people, His Holiness said, “They have taken everything from us, should I let them take my mind as well?”
Getting stuck in anxious energy and busyness, but getting nowhere. Does this sound familiar? I call it "running in place," and it's a sure sign that I’ve stopped giving myself love and compassion. When you notice yourself doing this, don’t think, “I have to stop this.” Instead, think, “Oh! I'm running-in-place! I must be denying myself love and compassion.” Then if you like, you can put your hand to your heart as you do in the Hands Over Heart Technique I mentioned in this earlier post. . . .
A big part of the transformational process is challenging negative self talk (mean and nasty internal dialogue). Again and again we need to look at, see, and then cut through the roots and causes of self hatred.
If we feel upset when things go wrong or something unpleasant and unexpected happens, we’re not exactly unique in this world. But if we develop the habit of holding on to these upset feelings, we may resort to drinking too much, using drugs, or overeating (using food like a drug) in a futile effort to try and feel better.
Having worked with clients and students for many years, I’ve noticed that we are often extremely skilled at deluding and torturing ourselves. How do we do it? We speak using virtuous-sounding euphemisms for what are actually harsh and fear-inducing judgments. In my opinion, that is the case with the phrase ‘high expectations.’
We want to be kind, but sometimes we hold ourselves back. Ask yourself these questions to see what you can learn about your relationship with kindness. Then try these 8 ways of making kindness a habit!