Most of the time, the reasons for our unhappiness are not outside us, even though it often seems that way. But if this were true, what accounts for all the well-fed fashion mavens, depressed and obsessed with the details of haute couture? And how can we explain, on the other hand, the many hungry people surviving in tiny huts who still somehow find ways to cheer up their neighbors? They must know the secret of how to . . .

#3  Ask a Better Question

Instead of asking yourself, “Why am I so unhappy? Why doesn’t anything ever work out for me?” try a new approach.

Practice asking, “Who do I have to believe I am, or, what do I have to believe is true about me to have this problem?” Then challenge the “truth” of the answer you come up with.

This question is a great way to expose the negative self-talk that we would otherwise be unaware of. As author and meditation teacher Sally Kempton once said, “It’s hard to do battle with an enemy who has outposts in your head.” When you ask this question, what’s the answer that comes back? “I’m no good”? “I never have lucky breaks”? or … maybe your mind is unconsciously repeating this old favorite: “I don’t deserve good things.”

Whatever the negative message, challenge it. If this seems hard, remember that a lot of famous people have surprised the critics.

When you uncover your negative self-talk, it’s cause for celebration. You’re looking at the cause of your unhappiness, rather than getting caught in the trap of the egoic mind.  Once you’ve seen these negative messages and the damage they’re doing to your peace of mind and your self-esteem, you can begin to turn them around. See that there’s no truth in them, and try on a happier scenario. You may not see an immediate change in your outer circumstances, but it will definitely change the way you see the events of your life. And if you insist on thinking well of yourself and having a good time doing it, it may become more difficult than ever to keep happiness at bay.

At that point you may just have to give up and laugh! Who knows, you might even start cheering up your neighbors.

May all beings be happy and free! May our compassion for all beings, ourselves included, continue to increase!