“Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
–George Santayana

My clients often look at me with a sense of despair and express the belief that their past is determining their future. Well, according to George Santayana, if you’re not learning from your past experience, you’re right!

But what is really going on? What is the most important thing to learn from our past experience, and what should be discarded? Surely we need to retain all manner of common sense things about the world, like, ” look both ways before you cross the street.”

You’d think it would be easy for us to cultivate this kind of common sense. And yet these days, as we assess the state of corporate greed, political hostility, and lack of civil discourse, it seems there isn’t much interest in developing common sense for the common good. If you look at history, no good has ever come from trying to create a society in which the common good is disregarded (witness the fates of the Roman Empire, the Third Reich, and more recently, Enron). But we don’t seem to get it!

You Are In Charge

It seems to me that what’s most important to learn from past experience is that you — and only you — are the one in charge of your self respect and self approval. As a wise older friend said to me when I was a young man, “Unless you approve of yourself, you will always be afraid.”

I learn from clients daily that this is a daunting task — primarily because people generally believe that whatever they have thought, or said, or done determines whether or not they have a right to exist.  By extension, the “worthiness” of their thoughts, words and deeds determine whether or not it’s okay to be kind to themselves. I usually propose to my clients that their actions are about their actions, not about their human value. I just explain that they will experience the fruit of their actions, because that’s the way things work, but that their essential value remains untouched no matter what they do. They always have the right to choose to act with love, kindness, and encouragement towards themselves, even if they’ve made the worst mistake of their lives.

In my experience, this is the best way for us to keep a clarity of mind, and the strength of spirit, to rectify any mistakes we may have made.  Those who put themselves down with blame, shame, and guilt when they make mistakes are doomed to repeat the past. Why? Because their focus is on failure.

The wiser course of action is to use our energy kindly and patiently, by learning from our mistakes and figuring out ways to do better next time.

Wise people make mistakes, too. But all the while, regardless of the outcome of their actions, they maintain respect for the miracle of their being and the gift of their life. They keep their self-respect, no matter what. And that is the very best kind of common sense.

Our life is not ours to judge. It’s a mystery.

May we all prosper together!