I once took a weekend seminar at NalandaWest in Seattle with a wonderful Tibetan teacher, Tsoknyi Rinpoche, author of Open Heart, Open Mind. Rinpoche has a down to earth, humorous way of presenting the teachings, filled with personal anecdotes.

I find it most helpful to hear about the personal struggles of great teachers. I don’t think I am alone in getting caught sometimes by a subtle attitude of disappointment in the company of a spiritual teacher – disappointment in myself and a nagging sense that maybe they’re disappointed in my shortcomings. The attitude is something like, “They’re perfect, I’m not. They can’t possibly have the problems I have, especially not now. Maybe they struggled as a child, but not anymore.”

So when a spiritual teacher shares about having emotional challenges as an adult, it helps me relax. I can identify with the problem – whew, it’s OK to have a problem. And if they had a problem and overcame it, that means I can do it, too!

A contemplation for working with fear

Rinpoche shared about dealing with a fear of flying, which at first he realized was appropriate. He was trapped in a small plane flying through a windstorm in the Himalayas! But then he found he had the same reaction when he traveled on modern jet liners. So he applied mindfulness and analysis to the problem.

I think it is notable that this wasn’t an abstract analysis. Rinpoche talked to his mind as a partner; he reasoned with his mind. The first step was respect: “These feelings are real,” he said to his mind, “but are they true? Are they based on actual present conditions?” He gave his mind space to consider this. He also asked his mind, “Are you creating this fear based on past conditions?”

He shared that he would repeat this again and again until his mind would relax – recognizing, bit by bit, that the fear was not about present conditions, but instead was something brought forward into this moment from a past situation.

I’ve worked with many clients on issues involving fear and anxiety. Rinpoche’s technique doesn’t work for most people. Many people share with me that they tried this method and it didn’t work. It is a common complaint – “I tried to talk myself out of it; I know it was ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop being afraid.”  So why did it work for Rinpoche?

What is commonly missing for us in the West (that was not missing for Rinpoche, who had a rigorous monastic education) is patience, perseverance, and confidence in repetition.

Where we quickly give up after trying something a few times because we have the belief that if something doesn’t work after a few times “it isn’t going to work,” Rinpoche’s training taught him that if you keep repeating with a good attitude of patience and perseverance, it will work! He shared that  he condensed his healing inner conversation into a mantra after his conversation with his mind started to work:  “Real But Not True.”  That mantra then held the power of his efforts talking with his mind: repeated honoring of feelings, followed by analysis – reasoning and questions.

How to apply “real but not true” for yourself

And I invite you to consider that the impatience we seem to have cultivated in our modern mindset may be due, in large part, to our having made things so fast and easy for ourselves. This has helped us externally, but it seems to have cost us a basic sense of inner calm. And with that, this impatience has cost us an inner confidence that we can make a change in our mind.

When we end up believing we have an inherent lack of ability to help ourselves, when we believe we’re unable to work with our mind, we are susceptible to despair and discouragement. Most of the time the problem is not an inherent inability at all – it is simply a lack of perseverance backed up by faith in ourselves. This lack of perseverance is usually one of many learned attitudes from our early “schooling” – an attitude that no longer serves us.

Please experiment with feeling what happens inside when you consider embracing the tool of repetition, with faith and an attitude of making it fun!

Good luck!

Join us, starting October 23, 2024, in our new webinar, The Surprising Link Between Procrastination and Addictions